We're all ready for our foster baby. The nursery is set up for two. Our toddler has library books about being a big brother, and he prays for baby brother at night. Classes are done, paperwork is all turned in, and we're officially certified. Since before Christmas.
Now we wait.
It's a strange thing sometimes to weigh our feelings as we wait. We're excited, and we hope to grow our family via foster care soon. But at the same time, I can't help but feeling that what I should really hope for - and pray for - is that we are never needed.
I know that we have the foster care program because there is a need. We are so excited to be part of filling that need, and we certainly do hope to be able to welcome a child into our home while their bio family tries to sort things out. If the child needs a forever home, we'd love to give them that.
But best case scenario? We would never get a call to be foster parents, because there would never be a need.
As we wait, I try to keep a tight hold on my perspective. We didn't step into this to get the perfect newborn baby, immediately freed for adoption, with no hassle and no baggage. Of course, that would be a wonderful blessing, and we certainly wouldn't turn that down. But we signed up for a baby with a birth family which is most likely fighting hard to keep - and quickly get home - their little one. I don't wish foster care on that baby, and I don't wish that kind of a loss on the birth parents.
We're still waiting. We're still excited. We're still hoping. And, at the same time, wishing that we weren't needed - that each baby could be in a healed home and learning Jesus's love from their birth family. So I pray for our future baby boy, for his family, and for us - that we would remember that we're in this not for us, but for him. And each day that we wait is a blessing, because it says that today, there was not a need for us, and maybe a child's family was provided a way to grow and heal today without having to separate.